Situation
Grace and Alex had known each other before Alex left to serve his two year mission. They had not known each other well, but it was good enough, that upon his return Alex remembered Grace when he saw her on campus. They talked for a few minutes, and then Alex did what all good return missionaries should be doing-he asked Grace out. Their first date was a lot of fun, they seemed to have a lot in common and Grace was very comfortable around Alex-even on a first date. Things went so well, that Grace consented to another date and then another-until Alex and Grace were seeing one another at least twice a week.
Although things were going well, there was one thing that kept nagging Grace at the end of every date-Alex never opened any of her doors. Grace was a sensible girl however, and decided that instead of holding a grudge against Alex, she would just bring their conversation around to the subject and mention how important it was to her. Alex got the hint very quickly and promised to do better-he told her to wait outside the car if he forgot, until he came around and opened it for her. What a relief! Grace was completely satisfied with the out come of their discussion and the results that came from it. Alex still forgot sometimes, but he always came around after a gentle reminder from Grace.
That is until...
One evening Grace and Alex were on a date and they stepped out of the car to look at something. However, a few minutes later they were getting back into the car, and as usual-Alex forgot to open her door. Grace smiled at him, and instead of the usual smile back-she got a roll of the eyes and a huge sigh with a "do you SERIOUSLY want me to come around and open your door?!!!" Grace was a little taken aback, but opened her own door and got in. After a few more dates, thing began to revert back to their pre-discussion era and eventually Grace ended the relationship.
From there on Alex was know to all of Grace's friends-not as "Alex," but as "The-boy-who-dosen't-open-doors." What a tragic title to carry for the rest of one's life.
Analysis
I do realize that some women may read this and think that it is really quite a trivial thing to spend an hour and a half writing a blog about. But oh how I beg to differ! My objective here is to change the minds of the women who believe that it is not a big deal to let a man open doors for you, and my arguments are thus:
1. Since the time that courtship came to be, and since there were doors to be opened, men have been taking the time to open them for women. It is a sign of respect to women when the man they are dating opens their doors. There is a reason behind this small gesture-by making your man work a little harder for you, there is a greater chance he will respect you in other ways as well. So why has this practice become less than common place in this generation of young men? It is because women of this generation are letting them get away with it! That is NOT ok! Just think for a second...If your man does not have enough respect for you to open a door, what else will he not be willing to do for you once your relationship is more serious or once you are married? I can promise you, it won't get any better-In the dating world, the first couple of months show the couple on their best behavior. After that, the true behaviors and characters rear their (insert here: ugly/attractive) heads-Not opening doors may seem inconsequential at the time, but heavens knows what a more comfortable version of your man will bring! So ladies, I beg of you: expect to be treated with respect, and guess what? You will be! If not, then get rid of him
Alex did what Grace asked, but he really didn't want to- so she pitched him. Please allow the men in your life to act like men, it really helps them to learn-and in the long run you could be helping other women as the word spreads.
2. This leads me to my next point-which is directed more towards men: I have heard the argument that men are afraid to open a woman's door for fear that she is a feminist and will bite his head off. I have already pleaded with women to let you do your job in the paragraph above, so now DO IT! Seriously, there is like maybe 1 in a 100 women who would not appreciate having their door opened for them-even if they do have feminist views. The feminist, just might open the second door you come to to make it equal!
I truly believe that encouraging a man to do the little things, like opening a door for you, will extract big results so let them do it! NOTE: It is a woman's job to ALWAYS say thank you. No matter how many doors he has opened, that is just common polite behavior-and who doesn't like to be appreciated?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Stand Up
Situation
Adam is handsome, fun, intelligent and charismatic. He met Kara on a blind date set up by their mutual friend, and they spend a couple hours together just talking. They seem to have a lot of the same interests, and Kara was pretty and had a sense of humor that Adam liked. At the end of the date Adam walked Kara to the door and told her he had a great time-he asked if she would like to do something with him again and got her number, promising to call sometime that week.
Kara was so excited! Not only was Adam one of maybe two good blind dates she had ever been on, but he wanted to see her again, which means he must have had a good time too. However, an entire week passed without a word from him, so Kara figures its time to look elsewhere. Just as she decided to move on, guess who she runs into? None other than the elusive Adam! He apologized for not calling her ( he was swamped with his classes, and seeing as Kara was too, its a pretty legitimate excuse), but he says that he has an important event coming up for an organization he is a part of and invites her to come with him if she would like. He tells her he will call to finalize plans, and Kara walks away feeling pretty good about the whole situation...maybe she worried too much too soon...
Oh think again little Kara! the day of the date arrived and she still had heard no word from Adam, but she got ready anyhow, because he did tell her the time the event started, so maybe he didn't think the call was necessary after all. Again she was wrong, the time came and went and Kara was stood up before she knew it for the first time in her life.
A few days passed after the stand up, and Kara still had no word-so she decided to contact him the only way she could-facebook (he had her number, but she didn't have his) to see if he had an explanation for himself-and BOY did he have one! He said he was expecting to see her at the event, but apparently something must have come up for her, he was sorry she couldn't make it....Kara was now confused, did he really ask her out? Of course he did! But he now was trying to blame the whole situation on her- Kara spent the next couple of days trying to fathom Adam's reasoning behind the whole situation, a week later she finds that he had already started to date someone else, so she deleted him from her life and moved on.
Analysis
Oh where to begin! First off, after their first blind date, Adam had a really easy out-he didn't have her number and she didn't have his, he could have easily walked away from the situation and Kara would have got the message. However, instead he decided to get Kara's number and just not call her instead-very gentleman like. Secondly, Men need to really watch the way they word things when talking to a woman, When Adam and Kara saw each other a week after he said he would call, he asked Kara out...or so she thought. To refresh your memory, he apologized for not calling, and then followed up with a "but if you would like to come with me to this other event..." and at the end of the conversation added an "I'll call you." If Adam was just inviting Kara to come to the event on her own he should have made that more clear-i.e. "hey a bunch of us are going to this event, you should drop by and check it out." He also certainly would not have had to call her in a situation like that. Thirdly, a mere two weeks after their first date, Adam already had a new girlfriend-this is just preposterous! Adam must have known this girl and liked this girl at the time of the blind date, so why even bother trying to get to know a new girl...especially if he was just going to mess with her head while he finalized things with his girlfriend.
In short (or maybe not so short), men normally are the ones asking women out, if you are not interested, don't do it...it really is that simple. Instead of asking her out, and standing her up when you feel like she isn't the one for you, take that extra second to really think about whether she is worth it to you. We (women in general) are going to be just fine with out that date, in fact you are saving us the trouble of spending 2 hours getting ready for something that isn't actually going to happen-and even if you may not think we are worth it, there are plenty of others out there who do-so get out of the way and give Mr. Right the chance to take his girl on DATE!
Adam is handsome, fun, intelligent and charismatic. He met Kara on a blind date set up by their mutual friend, and they spend a couple hours together just talking. They seem to have a lot of the same interests, and Kara was pretty and had a sense of humor that Adam liked. At the end of the date Adam walked Kara to the door and told her he had a great time-he asked if she would like to do something with him again and got her number, promising to call sometime that week.
Kara was so excited! Not only was Adam one of maybe two good blind dates she had ever been on, but he wanted to see her again, which means he must have had a good time too. However, an entire week passed without a word from him, so Kara figures its time to look elsewhere. Just as she decided to move on, guess who she runs into? None other than the elusive Adam! He apologized for not calling her ( he was swamped with his classes, and seeing as Kara was too, its a pretty legitimate excuse), but he says that he has an important event coming up for an organization he is a part of and invites her to come with him if she would like. He tells her he will call to finalize plans, and Kara walks away feeling pretty good about the whole situation...maybe she worried too much too soon...
Oh think again little Kara! the day of the date arrived and she still had heard no word from Adam, but she got ready anyhow, because he did tell her the time the event started, so maybe he didn't think the call was necessary after all. Again she was wrong, the time came and went and Kara was stood up before she knew it for the first time in her life.
A few days passed after the stand up, and Kara still had no word-so she decided to contact him the only way she could-facebook (he had her number, but she didn't have his) to see if he had an explanation for himself-and BOY did he have one! He said he was expecting to see her at the event, but apparently something must have come up for her, he was sorry she couldn't make it....Kara was now confused, did he really ask her out? Of course he did! But he now was trying to blame the whole situation on her- Kara spent the next couple of days trying to fathom Adam's reasoning behind the whole situation, a week later she finds that he had already started to date someone else, so she deleted him from her life and moved on.
Analysis
Oh where to begin! First off, after their first blind date, Adam had a really easy out-he didn't have her number and she didn't have his, he could have easily walked away from the situation and Kara would have got the message. However, instead he decided to get Kara's number and just not call her instead-very gentleman like. Secondly, Men need to really watch the way they word things when talking to a woman, When Adam and Kara saw each other a week after he said he would call, he asked Kara out...or so she thought. To refresh your memory, he apologized for not calling, and then followed up with a "but if you would like to come with me to this other event..." and at the end of the conversation added an "I'll call you." If Adam was just inviting Kara to come to the event on her own he should have made that more clear-i.e. "hey a bunch of us are going to this event, you should drop by and check it out." He also certainly would not have had to call her in a situation like that. Thirdly, a mere two weeks after their first date, Adam already had a new girlfriend-this is just preposterous! Adam must have known this girl and liked this girl at the time of the blind date, so why even bother trying to get to know a new girl...especially if he was just going to mess with her head while he finalized things with his girlfriend.
In short (or maybe not so short), men normally are the ones asking women out, if you are not interested, don't do it...it really is that simple. Instead of asking her out, and standing her up when you feel like she isn't the one for you, take that extra second to really think about whether she is worth it to you. We (women in general) are going to be just fine with out that date, in fact you are saving us the trouble of spending 2 hours getting ready for something that isn't actually going to happen-and even if you may not think we are worth it, there are plenty of others out there who do-so get out of the way and give Mr. Right the chance to take his girl on DATE!
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